An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize