My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
