Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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