Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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