I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize