at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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