Swine flu. Run for my life!
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
