Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
