After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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