a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
