I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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