Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
