Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
