She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Randomize
