it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
