He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You're like the curious george of whores
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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