You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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