omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize