My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
