I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
