Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
