Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
