apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
