I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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