I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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