Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
