There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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