??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Someone came in the potted fern
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
