I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We had sex on a dog bed..
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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