i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
