I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
