yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize