She is in my trunk
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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