you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
