Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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