You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
