Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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