what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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