I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
