u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
