did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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