i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
