Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
