Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
