dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
