nut hugger
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
