just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize