peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
