my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
