You work out of a Hotel?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
