o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
