first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
