I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
