She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
her facebook's as public as her vagina
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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