hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
