May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
accomplished twins. life is a go
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
