If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
