I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
