ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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