i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
