Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
