I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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