She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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