Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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