tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
