You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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