Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
