i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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