If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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