I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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