You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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