My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
