I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
