based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
