How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
