try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
